Five minute The Honey Offering
by Ivette Boveda
Summary: This is a condensed, version of the Andromeda episode, the Honey Offering in parody form spoilers galore! Disclaimer: the five minute format is not mine, I just borrowed it.


1 Scene 1  
  
Elsbett(doing practice fighting): Xena eat your heart out!  
  
Scene 2  
  
Dylan(jogging): you're late for the plot exposition  
  
Tyr: I figured that I would look better to the female demographic if I came to the episode unsweated.  
  
Dylan: So, what's the plot of this episode?  
  
Tyr: We have a chance to make peace between two sides, by taking the bride to her wedding.  
  
Dylan: Wouldn't her ability to adapt to any male she's with cause problems on the ship?  
  
Tyr: You're getting this confused with TNG's "the Perfect Mate"  
  
Dylan: oh  
  
2 Scene 3  
  
Rev: Remember this about Niets: they suck and they can be dangerous.  
  
Dylan: okay  
  
3 Scene 4  
  
Elsabett: hello, I'm Elsbett and I'm an uber bitch, who will insult you all.  
  
Harper: and a pretty one too!  
  
4 Scene 5  
  
Beka: She sucks  
  
Trance: She sucks  
  
Rev: She sucks  
  
Harper: She rules.  
  
Tyr: She hates you, boy  
  
Harper: She still rules.  
  
5 Scene 6  
  
Dylan: Please get Elsbett to stop being an uber-bitch  
  
Tyr: Whatever you say boss.  
  
Scene 7  
  
Tyr: Sabra Pride is da bomb and so are you, but the Jaguar pride sucks as well as your future hubby.  
  
Elsbett: you are inferior  
  
Tyr: no I'm not.  
  
6 Scene 8  
  
Trance: there is a disturbance in the force because of the uber bitch. I'd better go through her things.  
  
Elsbett: Hey! Get outta my stuff  
  
Dylan: Sorry about what Trance did, she just wanted to borrow your hair dryer.  
  
7 Scene 9  
  
Cuckoo Nez Pierce: Gimme Elsbett or you will be destroyed! I'll give you time to think on it.  
  
8 Scene 10  
  
Beka: Hey Cuckoo! Elsbett took over the ship  
  
Cuckoo: Well, with the Andromeda's track record, I don't find that hard to believe.  
  
9 Scene 11  
  
Dylan(in the Maru): Hey! You have a handheld nuke! That's it! You're going back home!  
  
Elsbett: No way!  
  
10 Scene 12  
  
POW! WHAP! POW!  
  
11 Scene 13  
  
Dylan: Isn't that the same wachamacallit used by the Ferengi?  
  
Elsbett: yeah, but it's a modified version.  
  
12 Scene 14  
  
Dylan: Great going, Einstein! You've cut a hole in the ship! Give me that helmet so I can cover the hull breach.  
  
Elsbett: Is that really going to work? Wouldn't using mashed potatoes be better?  
  
Dylan: It worked on MS3K.  
  
Elsbett: alright  
  
Dylan: hull breach fixed. Told you it would work.  
  
Elsbett: Now it's time for me to make you my prisoner.  
  
Dylan: Aw man.  
  
13 Scene 15  
  
Dylan: I didn't know that there was a Trump Tower on this Drift.  
  
Elsbett: I would have booked at the Hemsley next door, but it was full.  
  
Dylan: Elsbett, you're mission sucks. Don't do it.  
  
Elsbett: It does not suck, and I'm gonna do it.  
  
Scene 16  
  
Elsbett: Let's spend the night together  
  
Dylan: huh?  
  
Elsbett: Aside from the fact that I want to kill millions and that I've treated you like crap, is there a reason why we shouldn't?  
  
Dylan: None that I know of.  
  
  
  
  
  
Scene 17  
  
Beka: The ships that are chasing us might be dummies  
  
Harper: What should we do?  
  
Beka: Go back even though we are not sure that they are dummies  
  
Harper: Sounds good to me.  
  
14 Scene 18  
  
Dylan: Elsbett! You used up all the hot water.  
  
Elsbett(point gun at him): and you stole my lavender body wash!  
  
Scene 19  
  
Cuckoo(bursting in): I know you're in there!  
  
POW! WHAP! POW!  
  
15 Scene 20  
  
Elsbett: Let's blow this joint  
  
Dylan: Ah, the old hole in wall trick  
  
16 Scene 21  
  
(on Maru)  
  
Elsbett: I'm gonna do my mission and you can't stop me, so there!  
  
Dylan: but I got your lavender body wash.  
  
Scene 22  
  
Cuckoo(on view screen): We got you!  
  
Scene 23  
  
Dylan: I know! I'm gonna single-handedly manipulate an entire war!  
  
Elsbett: Yeah, and I'm the Emissary of the prophets.  
  
Dylan: I'm serious. I took a summer course on this at the High Guard Academy.  
  
17 Scene 24  
  
Elsbett: Your plan worked.  
  
Dylan: Ha! In your face!  
  
18 Scene 25  
  
(Back on the Andromeda)  
  
Avatar Rommie: Welcome back  
  
Dylan: Thank  
  
Holo Rommie: Message for you, Dylan. It's marked 'For you eyes only'  
  
Avatar Rommie: But I wanna see it!  
  
Holo Rommie(in her ear): I can let you access the file later.  
  
Avatar Rommie: Okay *leaves*  
  
  
  
19 Scene 26  
  
Elsbett(on video message): You plan for me to marry this dude did not suck  
  
Dylan: I told you so! 


End file.
